well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
