Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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