Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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