This dress was meant to end up on your floor
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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