I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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