Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
