Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
