She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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