i don't like sucking hair
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
