Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
