Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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