He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I need to stop coming to work sober
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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