I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
