so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
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