Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
