do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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