The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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