He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
