i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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