I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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