i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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