Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
