im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
