I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
