so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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