Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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