I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
