I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
