For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
