Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
