She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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