I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
it's like heaven, but drunker
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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