you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
