Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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