hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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