i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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