remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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