you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
