Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize