I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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