I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
