Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize