im having a threesome with these popsicles
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
