is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
We need to rekindle our bromance
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize