every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
