I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
