considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
