Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just had sex on a roof
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
