Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
