My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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