Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
