i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
