Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
