She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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