Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
