I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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