SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I think people are normalizing furries
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
