Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
