"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
