so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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