i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
