he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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