my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
