Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
