Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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