Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
