I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
that may or may not have been my penis.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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