A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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