Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
