what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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