I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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