That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
