those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
