Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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