I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
