After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
