Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I think my fart just growled at me.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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