Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
