i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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