I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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