The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
