We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
