Im at strip club and am horny
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
