That reminds me...we need to get swords
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
should my penis look like a turkey
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
