What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
