brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
