i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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