You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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