Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
