Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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