I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
