I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
whose parrot is this?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
